i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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