That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
