dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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