now i know why i became what i already was.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
