she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
