hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
