If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
