Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize