The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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