that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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