told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
