I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
