It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i love accidental penises.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
