He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
