So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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