with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Barsexuality is the new black.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
