If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
