he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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