so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
