We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
