i think my tv is drunk
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have fence marks all over my body
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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