everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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