I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
