i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
