He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
