Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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