Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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