is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
