I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
