exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize