She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize