Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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