Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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