I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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