sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
