PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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