i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
