I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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