Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
