If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
