I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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