Dual....:-)
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
