oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
