im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
