I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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