Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
