____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
