Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
