just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I can't turn off my feet"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
