eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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