the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
