Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
