I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize