the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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