did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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