After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
