I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize