The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
