Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
