Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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