So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
handjob tips. give me some.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
