haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
