Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
