that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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