it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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