Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We have started to decorate penises.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
