I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
